The Sex Therapist

Twitter Q & A: Dr. Beliza chats up cheating

Score Board member and sex therapist, Dr. Belisa shared her expertise on the subject of cheating. Whether it’s spotting or confronting a cheating partner, or simply defining what cheating means to you, Dr. Belisa’s got the answers.

Q: Is it true, once a cheater, always a cheater?

A: No! One time cheaters exist! What differentiates people is if they feel guilt and remorse.

Q: I’ve heard if someone wants more sex, or if they are distant, they might be cheating. Is there a sure fire way to tell?

A: The surest sign is that your gut tells you something is wrong. Then, that your significant other is VERY careful with phones/computer. Wanting more or wanting less than usual can also give you a hint that something may be rotten in the state of Denmark.

Q: Percentage wise, who is more likely to cheat and why? Men or women?

A: Traditionally, men, but the numbers have started to even out. Interesting – the age of married cheaters has lowered!

Q: We asked our Facebook friends about cheating and only 2 of 15 said they haven’t been cheated on. Is cheating THAT common?

A: Yes, cheating is that common! But remember, it’s because often people would rather be broken up with than start a discussion/fight. It’s a fast way to end a relationship.

Q: Is the definition of cheating the same for everyone?

A: No! For some it has to be intercourse, for some it can be just attention/emotional cheating.

Q: So if I had an insanely hot girlfriend, and she made out with three girls, and decided to tell me about, is that cheating?

A: Only if you had agreed beforehand that you were not to have any physical contact with anyone else, regardless of gender.

Q: Do you think it’s equally likely that someone would cheat regardless if they were in a long-term or casual relationship?

A: People in a casual relationship are more likely to cheat because they have not made vows and don’t feel as connected as they would in long-term relationships. Cheating is not as big an “infraction” if it’s done by someone you are dating than with a spouse. Do people in long-term relationships think about it? Heck yes! Probably as much as everyone else, but vows, guilt, fear and things like that keep them from acting out on it. And again, a lot of this depends on how you define cheating. Cheaters tend to have more narrow definitions.

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