You might be the most modern woman you know, and have no trouble talking about sex, but if your boyfriend blushes at the mention of the mattress mambo it can be hard to have a serious discussion about it with him. Being able to talk openly about your sex life is important for a healthy relationship, but you should also take your boyfriend’s demure attitude into consideration.
Find the right time
Discussing sex should be reserved for private time and really shouldn’t be done in front of other people, whether it’s your roommate or strangers in the park. Even if you take a Sex and the City approach to talking about sex, your personal business should be kept that way, especially if your man isn’t as open about the subject as you. Wait until you are alone to bring the subject up. He’ll be more at ease and more likely to open up if it’s just the two of you.
Dirty talk and sharing your fantasies
Sharing what turns you on can be a fun way to get to know your man’s desires and help him better understand yours. If he’s shy about dirty talk, take the lead. Don’t force him to say anything if he’s not ready. Ask him questions about what he’d like to do or have you do, such as “Would you like it if I did this?” This way, he can participate and may eventually be comfortable enough to get more involved.
Discussing tough issues
It is important for couples to be open with one another, but talking about sexual health can be a minefield if your boyfriend clams up when it comes to talking about the dirty deed. This is not a conversation you should have while you’re in bed – especially before, after or during sex. It’s also not something you should surprise your man with. Let him know the two of you need to sit down and talk about it so he’s not in shock when it comes time to chat. Whether you’re talking about STDs or condoms, keep in mind that this isn’t something he’s comfortable talking about.
Don’t let his shyness hold you back
Just because your man can’t even say “penis” without giggling doesn’t mean you should keep your mouth shut when something’s bothering you. Maybe your personal needs aren’t being addressed in bed as much as you’d like or you’re sick of doing it doggy style. Whatever the case may be, the only way it’s going to change is if your boyfriend knows how you feel about it. Just bear in mind that he might have no idea anything is wrong, so try to keep a level head and explain your feelings calmly. Don’t attack his sexual prowess either, or you’ll risk bruising his ego, which can put strain on your sex life.